I'm in need of a Change...

So I have been back to work for about a month and a half and so far it has been ok. Its not great, I feel like I never left and I dread leaving Gabi everytime I leave. I miss her like crazy. I count down the hours to get my hands on her and kiss her all over! Im grateful to have such a great family to help me with her, it makes it a little easier knowing that she is in great hands. But the fact of the matter is I sometimes feel like im sufficating in that big orange box, and I want to break free! I need change, If i have to work for now I need something different because I am BURNT OUT! I hate the feeling of having to work because if i dont we wont have enough to provide for Gabi, or pay our pile of medical bills. I think that is where the anxiety comes in! I want more than anything to be at home with my baby but i know that is not reality for right now. I know that I'm not the only mother out there that has to work and miss out on being with their children every second. I really hate the feeling that I have felt the last few weeks. Being super broke, behind on bills, and going to work just makes me frustrated! I know it will get better, I have faith that this time in my life will pass and I can be the mom that i want to be. I think about how liberating it would be to just walk out of work one day and never look back, I'm tired of feeling trapped or stuck where i am at. In so many ways its comfortable but Im not sure if i want comfortable right now. I want change, i want to go to work and be happy to be there, feel appriciated for what i do, and come home to my daughter happy, not depressed and annoyed. Gabi has been my life saver. She makes me SOOO happy, she takes all those feelings away. The 4 months off I had with her I felt like myself again, I was happy, things didnt bother me at all, and I didnt have a poor me attitude. The negitive was gone. It was refreshing,I even lost weight without even trying! This feeling i have had lately is one of the main reasons i was dreading going back to work in the first place. It stresses me out and I have gained ten pounds in the last month because of it... I Need Change, I need something that makes me happy, that i can feel good about myself doing, that I can feel like i am worth something, I need to get out of this rut because I dont want this to affect my family like it has in the past. I have been praying and praying to figure out what i'm supposed to do. Change is liberating in so many ways and terrifying in many others. I feel like im complaining and that is not my intention, I just want to feel at peace with my life and right now it feels more like chaos. I know that things will get better and if i trust in the lord, and put him first I will recieve the answers that I am looking for. I know this too shall pass. I just hope it passes sooner rather than later!

Gone Fishin'

Gio has Been OBSESSED with fishing lately. He caught a fish and named it Freddie while we were ate Wolf Creek over the 4th and he hasn't stopped talking about it. He has bought a fishing pole, learned about all the hot fishing holes around our house, has a huge tackle box full of stuff that I'm not sure he even knows what it is all for he just wants to look official! We have even been to Cabellas 3 times in the last month. It kills me! I married him because he doesnt like stuff like that but apparently he wants to be a "man's man" as he would say! I am glad that he enjoys himself and it is a relaxing hobbie that he can go out and do, but thats the only thing he ever wants to do lately! He can't wait to take Gabi with him, maybe i will enjoy it a little more then!


This is at Salem pond. We packed a picnic Gabi and I hung out and Gio got to fish. He is determined to catch another Freddie before the end of the summer! It is a very relaxing place I was able to play with Gabi and read a book under a shade tree... it was really good until the rain started up!






We also went to a pond in Highland which was also pretty fun, the biggest problem is pulling gio away, he fishes until he can't see any more! For the most part it has been alot of fun to have our small family outings, I just dont want to go everyday! Hopefully Gio will just catch his fish soon!

Dominic

Ischia and Javier finally had their baby Boy!!! His name is Dominic Javier Yacolca born July 29, 2010. He was 7 lbs 5ozs (i think) and 18 1/2 inches long. He has SOOO much thick black hair! I thought Gabi had alot, but hers is just long. We are very excited to have him in our family.

First Family Photo!

Gabi Looks so big nevt to him it made me a little sad!


Tio Gio!


Tia!

Grandma and Grandpa Scott!

Such a Handsome Boy!